literature

force of habit, force of anxiety

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force of habit, force of anxiety                                   

    Left, right, left right, one two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Listen to the song, follow the tempo. Become part of the song. Doesn’t matter if someone’s in front of you. Just go around them. But the important thing is don’t slow down or speed up. Don’t fall out of step. That ruins everything, and we don’t want that.

     

    Don’t take four, don’t take four. If they give you four, give one back. If they have enough, ask for one more, but only in certain cases, because you don’t want to seem greedy. You can have three or five, but never four. Four is bad. Four means death.

     

    Left, right, left, right, crack, left, right, left, right, crack. Are you stepping over the cracks? Step over the cracks. Cracks are bad. They mess up the flow. They confuse you. Don’t let that happen. Step over that. Alternate. Show that it doesn’t bother you. It doesn’t. Make sure that you’re also alternating. Don’t start and end on the same foot.

     

    Is the car door locked? Did you lock the door? Check. The door might not have locked. Click the button again. It beeped. The beep means you’re okay. You’re okay. It’s locked. Don’t worry. Go back inside. You’re okay.

     

    Everything’s happening too fast, too loudly. I can’t focus, can’t work, can’t do anything. It’s rushing at me, and suddenly I’m anchored down and struggling to breathe in a sea of worries and troubles and fears. Breathe, need to breathe, need to breathe, need to breathe. Take a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing. Make yourself light. Light is good. Light means you’re floating above the water. It means you’re okay.

    I have lots of little quirks, little rituals that I need to do. I know most of these shouldn’t matter, don’t matter to other people, but I can’t help but worry over trivial things. Doing these grounds me, keeps me here. Doing these keeps me light, helps me relax.

so we had to write a vignette for la bc we read house on  mango for summer, and i was immediately like wow i have much i could write about! my first was my ocd/anxiety thing (idk what it is) and then i was like fallback i could write abt depression. i'll def finish that one too so i can share it, but this is the vignette i chose to write. 
i was so scared i didn't follow directions or something, but i checked today, and i got 40/40! she also wrote a comment on there. it said, "Stephanie, this is perfect. So very well written and EXACTLY what I wanted you to!" and that made me really happy and stuff. so ya ^^
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FridgePoetProject's avatar
This is one of my very favorite things you've ever written.  The tempo of it is intoxicating -- you can't help but be drawn into it, inexorably, almost like a moth to a flame.  And once it gets a hold of you, it doesn't let go.  Really terrific stuff, my dear.  Nice work!!  :hug: